Recently, the Cleveland Browns NFL football team was playing on a Thursday night when there suddenly arose a whiteout snow storm in the middle of the game. It was snowing so heavily that the field crew had to regularly run onto the field to shovel and expose the stripes where the yard lines are. The game was difficult to see as everything, including the players it seemed, was blanketed in white snow.
This brought to mind my years of growing up in northern Ohio and the regular snow storms we would have. Whether in the daytime or at night, heavy snow falling from the sky makes driving very difficult. The lanes in the road become indistinguishable. You are blinded by a wall of white.
It is scary. It is even lonely.
But then you start to see it. There are tire tracks in the road of someone who went before you. When you see those tracks, you steer your tires to match theirs knowing that this path has been tested and someone has successfully navigated it.
But even better is when you look up and you see the faint red tail lights of a car in the not so distant future. You lock onto those tail lights and follow their path and suddenly you are not alone any more.
There is someone else just ahead of you traveling the same road.
It’s still a scary drive with some slips and skids along the way, but you have set your path onto someone who has gone before you.
The path of loss – and especially the path of child loss – is a dark one. It is hard to see. It feels so out of control and impossible to know where you’re going – or if there is even a path ahead.
But then you see it. You find someone who is just ahead. You see the tail lights of someone who is in front of you. You find the way to go.
One thing our counselor has encouraged us to do is to be in community with others who have lost a child. Along with having an immediate intimate knowledge of each other’s ache, it also can be like finding a north star.
It’s finding others who are slightly ahead of you who can say to you, “This is the way”.
We have been so encouraged by others who are walking this same dark path. They have been a light leading us to trust Jesus even as we are in very unfamiliar territory. They are helping us see the path.
That’s not to say that there aren’t slips and skids along the way. These slips and skids are not sin issues or times of mistrust, but more of walking a dark road where we can only see a few paces ahead and sometimes things come up that trip us up.
Things like:
- People who have walked away from us in our grief
Trying to grasp living out life without our child - Knowing how to help my living children when something has brought them to tears with grief
- Memories of good times
- New memories that don’t include Ilona
- Future memories that will never be
But this is what 2 Corinthians is talking about. The Father of mercies, the God of comfort, comforts us so that we may be able to comfort others.
Those are the tail lights ahead of us on our path. They are the guiding light of comfort that God sends us when we are in community with others.
Recently, I was speaking with a mom who lost her dear son 8 years ago. She has been a beacon for me. One thing she said was that there will come a day, not now but sometime in the future, when I will be able to look at a picture of Ilona and my first response won’t be tears, sadness, and loss.
Right now, that seems foreign. But also right now, that gives me some hope. She is showing me what to expect on the path ahead.
So what are you facing today? What struggle or trauma or loss has happened on your journey?
I would encourage you to reach out to others who have gone down this same path. Someone you can follow. Someone who can show you the way to keep trusting Jesus.
Otherwise, you may slide off the road.
Otherwise, you may fall.
Otherwise, you are alone.
If you are local to the Stafford, VA area and have lost a child, we offer a monthly bereaved parents group. If you are new to grief or a long-time resident, we welcome you. You may need the comfort, or you may bring the comfort.
If you have experienced another type of loss or if you are not local, we have some resources we can point you to.
There are some tail lights out there for you to follow.
